


Nutcrackers Are Scary

by Meghann985



Series: 31 Days of Ineffable Husbands Ficlets [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 30 Days of Ineffables, Fluff, Humour, I like to think I'm funny, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, a very scary nutcracker, aziraphale loves to torture crowley, or maybe Edgar Allen Poe, the author friend is Oscar Wilde btw, whoever you prefer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21763039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meghann985/pseuds/Meghann985
Summary: Aziraphale brings out a nutcracker when decorating the bookshop and Crowley finds it terrifying.30 Days of Ineffables Challenge
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: 31 Days of Ineffable Husbands Ficlets [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1560751
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	Nutcrackers Are Scary

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I am running very behind with this challenge. This is for Day 3.
> 
> I like to think that i'm funny sometimes so now you are having this inflicted on you.

They were decorating the bookshop when Aziraphale pulled it out of the box. An old nutcracker painted jauntily in greens, reds, and golds. Its tall black hat pointed skywards and the small beady eyes seemed to follow Crowley around the room.

“No. Absolutely not,” he cried as soon as he set eyes on it. 

Aziraphale pouted. “Why not, dearest? He’s just a nutcracker. I’ve had him for years now, he was a gift from an author friend of mine. I think he’s rather lovely,” 

“Lovely?!?!? That is the scariest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. Look at its eyes, there’s pure evil looking out of those and that’s coming from a demon. Aziraphale, angel, I’m begging you, please put it away. I won’t be able to sleep if I know that’s kicking about down here,” Crowley said, eyes darting about wildly. “Look at its teeth!” 

“Now, Crowley, what can he possibly do to you?” Crowley spluttered and Aziraphale shot him a dark look, “He’s simply a Christmas decoration. He’ll look wonderful sitting just above the fireplace. Or maybe I could put him in our room, cheer the place up a bit,” He smiled devilishly. 

Crowley looked as if someone had just shoved a poker up his arse. “First of all, angel, if it stays out then I'm going to lock up all of the kitchen knives for our protection. Secondly, how the hell am I supposed to sleep with that looking at me? Fuck, not even just sleeping! How awkward will it be when we have sex? That’ll certainly kill the mood!” He screeched. He looked positively deranged and Aziraphale was doing his best not to laugh. 

The angel walked over to the mantelpiece and set the nutcracker down. “Lovely, don’t you think?” He turned around to look at Crowley and burst out laughing. Crowley was standing there with his mouth hanging open and his hands in his hair, looking like someone had just thrown his puppy into the fire. 

Aziraphale grinned and clicked his fingers, making sure that the ornament wouldn’t ‘accidentally’ tumble into the fire. Or move anywhere for that matter. Not until he decided that the nutcracker had lost all of its horror. 

“Now, what was that you were saying about sex?” Aziraphale asked seductively and then dragged his husband upstairs. Couldn’t punish your demon for too long after all.


End file.
